Breaking the Chains of Validation

The Cycle of Proving Worth

Throughout much of my life, I found myself captivated in a cycle of proving my worth to others. My parents, siblings, teachers, and friends, no matter who they were, I felt the constant need to prove that I was enough, or even more than enough. Whether through my grades, financial status, housing situation, or social life, I worked tirelessly to have it all together.

Pressure in Social Settings

Family gatherings and social events often turned into subtle competitions, with everyone sharing updates on their lives. The pressure to have something new or exciting to discuss was immense. Being seen as stagnant, or not growing and progressing, was something I dreaded. With this mindset, I spent years striving for success, only to find myself feeling rather average.

Realization of Unhealthy Patterns

Over time, and it certainly took a considerable amount of it, I began to understand that this relentless quest for approval was unhealthy. I carried this mentality into the workforce, aiming to impress my boss, only to learn a harsh truth: everyone is replaceable. I realized that I was wasting energy trying to prove myself to people who viewed me primarily as an employee contributing to their bottom line. While I will always strive to be a great employee, I’ve learned not to rely on external validation for my sense of contentment.

The Journey Towards Self-Acceptance

So, I decided to stop, or at least, I'm actively working on it. The journey toward self-acceptance is ongoing. I've come to understand that feeling content and confident requires letting go of the need to prove ourselves. There are countless versions of ourselves: the one our mothers know, the one our bosses see, the one our new friends just met. People perceive us based on what they've heard, what we've shown them, and what they've experienced in our presence. Even those closest to us, like our mothers, don't truly know every aspect of who we are, particularly our innermost thoughts. So why do we put so much effort into proving ourselves to those who will ultimately view us through their own perceptions?

The Freedom of Self-Acceptance

Letting go of this need for validation isn't easy, but it is liberating. Remember that your value is not determined by how others perceive you, but by how you perceive yourself. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and take pride in your unique journey. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, and never underestimate the power of self-compassion.

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences on this topic. How have you embraced self-worth? Share your insights in the comments below!